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![]() tbaoo ... the bike site ( well it used to be ) dumb two |
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Don't take that bad day
out on someone you know, take it out on someone you DON'T know. Now get this. I was sitting
at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialled it. A man answered saying,
"Hello?" I politely said, "This is Fred Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?" Suddenly the phone was
slammed down on me! I couldnt believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her.
She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there
on my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up. Next to his phone number
I wrote the word asshole," and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad
day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're an asshole!" It would always cheer
me up. Later in the year the
Phone Company introduced caller ID. This was a real setback
for me; I would have to stop calling the asshole. Then one day I had an idea. I dialled his number and when I heard his voice,
"Hello?" I made up a name. "Hi.
I'm with the Telephone Company and I'm just calling to see if you'd be interested in our caller ID program?" "No" he shouted and slammed
the phone down. I quickly called him back
and said, "Thats because you're an asshole!" Keep reading this, it
gets better! Some time later I was
looking for a parking spot at the shopping centre. An old lady really took
her time pulling out of a parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her car began to move and she
started to very slowly back out of the slot. I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. "Great", I thought, Shes
finally leaving." All of a sudden this black
BMW flies up the parking aisle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space. I hit the horn and started yelling, "You can't
do that I was here first The guy climbed out of his BMW completely ignoring me. He walked toward the shopping centre as if
I didn't even exist. I thought to myself, "This guy's another asshole; there sure are a lot of assholes in this world." Then,
I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the phone number. Then I hunted for another
place to park. A couple of days later,
I'm sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're an asshole!" (It's really
easy since I have his number on speed dial now.) I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black BMW there on my desk
and thought I'd better call this guy, too. After a couple rings, someone answered the phone and said, "Hello." I said, "Is this the man
with the black BMW for sale?" "Yes, it is." "Can you tell me where
I can see it?" "Yes, I live at I said, "What's your name?" "My name is Don Hansen." "When's a good time to
catch you, Don?" "I'm home in the evenings." "Listen, Don, can I tell
you something?" "Sure..." "Don, you're an asshole!"
And I slammed the phone down. Then, I added Don Hansen's
number to my speed dialler. I must say, for a while things seemed to be going much better for me. Now, when I had a problem
I had two assholes to call. Then, after several months of calling the assholes and hanging up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable
as it used to be. I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with this solution: First, I had my phone
speed dial asshole #1. A man answered nicely,
"Hello?" I yelled, "You're an asshole!"
but I didn't hang up. The asshole said, "Are
you still there?" I said, "Yeah." He said, "Stop calling
me." I said, "Make me." He said, "What's your
name, pal?" So I told him, "Don Hansen." He said, "Where do you
live?" "1802 West 34th Street.
It's a yellow house and my black BMW's parked out front." "I'm coming over right
now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers." "Yeah, like I'm really
scared, asshole" and I hung up. Then I called asshole
#2. Don Hansen answered, "Hello?" I said, "Hello, asshole." He said, "If I ever find
out who you are..." "You'll what?" "I'll kick your ass." "Well, here's your chance.
I'm coming over right now, asshole." And I hung up. Then I picked up the phone
and called the police. I told them I was on my way to Glorious satisfaction!
Watching two assholes kicking the crap out of each other in front of 6 squad cars, a police helicopter and a news crew was
one of the greatest experiences of my life! Now you know what to do
if you have a really bad day.
The Geography of a Woman
Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or
Australia. She is
half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with
bushland
around the fertile deltas.
Between the ages of 21 - 30 a woman is like America or
Japan.
Completely discovered, very well developed and open to
trade especially with countries with cash or cars.
Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India or Spain.
Very hot,
relaxed and convinced of its own beauty.
Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France or
Argentina. She
may have been half destroyed during the war but can still
be a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Yugoslavia or
Iraq. She lost
the war and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction
is
now necessary.
Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia or Canada.
Very wide,
quiet and the borders are practically unpatrolled but
the frigid climate keeps people away.
Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England or
Mongolia.
With a glorious and all conquering past but alas no future.
After 70, they become Albania or Afghanistan. Everyone
knows where
it is, but no one wants to go there.
The Geography of a Man
Between the age of 15 - 70 a man is like Zimbabwe - ruled
by a dick.
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Educate the men / click to download
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FYI guys, although it's too late for most of you!
Police warn all male clubbers, partygoers and unsuspecting pub regulars to be more alert and cautious when getting a drink offer from a girl. There is a date rape drug going around called "beer" and it is generally in liquid form. The drug is now being used by female sexual predators at parties to persuade their male victims to have sex with them. The shocking statistic is that "beer" is available virtually anywhere! All girls have to do is persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and simply ask the guy home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are literally rendered helpless against such attacks. After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform sex acts on horrific looking women who they would never normally be attracted to. Men often awaken after being given "beer" with only hazy memories of exactly what has happened to them the night before, just a vague feeling that something bad occurred. At other times these unfortunate men might be set up for a bigger sting in a familiar scam know as "a relationship" -- apparently men are easier victims for this scam after the "beer" has been administered and have already been sexually attacked. Police also have had cases where this scam leads into an even bigger one called "marriage" which will cause the victim's social life to be permanently altered. Please pass this message on so that all unexpecting males can be informed about the use of this drug. |
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